Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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