theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
