dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
