Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
