Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
