Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
