Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
