Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
