I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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