I hate all girls vehemently.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize