if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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