You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
