it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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