You can't motorboat a personality
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
