I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
