he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
