you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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