I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
