even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
