Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
