Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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