I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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