how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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