Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
