I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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