i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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