Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
