Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
