All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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