i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
