The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
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Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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