was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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