thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
