found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
