You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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