He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
