Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
