So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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