There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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