I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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