One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
