No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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