We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
