we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
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if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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