I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
