You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
