Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
...so i touched it.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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