***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
