yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
