she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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