please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
