i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
