1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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