fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
