Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
