It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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