after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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