I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
