...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
