you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
