Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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