no, he came in my armpit
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
