eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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