note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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