1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Can't talk, ducks in the car
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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