He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
