Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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