you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
