I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
