Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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